Corrupt a Wish III

You get 'em, and then stab yourself and get sent to the ER.

I wish for an ice cream sandwich.

You get Ice Cream in between two pieces of white bread!

I wish for a hamburger.

You get a cheeseburger instead, and the cheese is cold. 

I wish for a clean desk.

Your desk still has all the clutter on it that you never wanted, but it's all sanitized clutter now! Oh yeah, and your homework has been soaked in bleach.

I wish for a lathe.

You get it, but you begin to hates it forevuuuh...

(What in the name of curdled onions is a lathe?)

I wish to know what a lathe is.

You never find out, and you wonder for the rest of your life...

I wish I could eat gummy bears.

You eat a whole bag of gummy bears and realized you have a stomach ache.

I wished I could have wrote more thoughts down for my current novel sooner.

You didn't write any notes down, and so when you finally finish writing the novel, you get mad that it's not what you wanted and none of it sounds right and you throw it in the fire, and it burns and you never, ever see it again. 

I wish for a cup of water.

You get a cup of saltwater.

I wish for more time.

A mound of it drops on your house.

Spoiler:

I wish for a spaceship.

You get a space ship.

Spoiler:

I wish for more wishes.

You get more corrupted wishes....

I know, so original.

Actually all your wishes come true, but with strings attached that ruin your life and make you wished you'ld never tried to avoid your destiny.

I wish that the sentence on the right was true, and the sentence on the left was false.

It happens, but it creates a paradox that tears a hole in the time-space continuum that absorbs both you and it in before sealing off, leaving your stranded outside of time and space itself.



I wish for my wish to not be granted.

An enormous anvil falls from the sky and crushes you.

I wish for a Death Star

You get one, but that kid that lives next door to you gets a hotshot Force-sensitive Rebel pilot with a snubfighter and a proton torpedo. ...Also: thermal exhaust port covers sold separately.

I wish for a lightsaber.

You get an electrostaff.

I wish for a good blaster at my side.

You get a high-quality marshmallow blaster duct-taped to your side.


I wish for chocolate.

You get a cocoa bean.

I wish for my own private gun range.

You get a back yard and an empty tin can for a target.


I wish for a private military.

You get a bunch of underpaid thugs weakened by drug addiction and armed with screws, with piercings-jewlery for body-armor.

I wish for an ACOG

You get an Aluminum Container Of Glue.

I wish for a new computer.

You get one, with "new" being defined as how long ago the computer itself rolled out of the factory.

Spoiler:

I wish for a cinnamon roll.

*rolls a container of cinnamon across the table*

I wish for oblivion.

*Gives you everything*


I wish for a private fleet of military spaceships.

You get a private fleet of minions.

I wish for a phone that actually got mobile signal in my neighbourhood